Let’s call this space Management 101. Several years ago, Martin Price asked me, Calvin Yoke, to speak to several ECHO World Conferences of Missionaries on management. He also invited me to write for ECHO Development Notes 82 [Management Can Be Learned | ECHOcommunity.org]. He felt that some of the things I had learned in managing three companies, one an international company, “Wood-Mizer Products”, and two domestic companies might be of interest. These presentations were very well received by attendees who had limited experience in managing people and assets. We opened up these presentations to the attendees to share some of their most challenging management issues for us to try and solve among the group.
This worked very well. Reflecting back on those experiences, I felt that maybe we could develop a Conversation around the same topic and the same format. In each post, we will present one management technique around a range of different subjects, and also try to respond to one or two management challenges or questions that had been submitted by readers for some help in solving. Please post your thoughts and questions!
In this first post, I would like to share with you the most helpful and universal method I have ever found for working through any employer/ employee relation issue. It requires first learning to “Seek first to understand and then be understood.” Whenever we think we might be or are facing confrontation, or just addressing something less than positive, our natural instinct is to start talking. It is a misconception that most of us have that we are in control of the situation as long as we are talking. In fact, this could not be farther from the truth.
The best way to be in charge of a situation is to be the most informed person about the situation. If we are talking, we are not learning anything about the other person. Additionally, we are revealing to them information about ourselves and how we feel or think about the situation. Once they know what we are thinking, as well as what they are thinking, they have the advantage. If First, we seek to understand how they feel and what they are thinking about the situation, we are much more informed, and may even change what we were ultimately going to say.
Seeking First to understand, not only gives us information, but also shows consideration, and can many times discharge the situation.
Seeking First to understand generally requires asking questions. Asking questions shows consideration and caring. This works very well when we are being confronted, and many times helps us to understand much more clearly and accurately what the real reason is for the person confronting us.
An example here I think would be helpful. One of our greatest concerns in management of people is that we might not be perceived to not be competent or effective.
In this case, I have approached an employee and said,
“I feel that there are things that I could do differently that would help you to have more confidence in me and my ability. What do I need to stop, start, and continue, that would help you to see me as a more effective supervisor.”
This is the ultimate example of seeking first to understand. This does not put you on the defensive. You are in control of the situation which put you in a position of strength, and you are showing that you are open minded and willing to make changes.
Seeking first to understand requires us to develop a list of questions that will work and almost any situation.
This may be the most difficult part, but really builds confidence in learning to seek first to understand and then be understood once you have these questions top of mine. This also helps us to reduce urge to talk first.
Here are just a few examples:
- Why are you wanting a raise?
- What changes are you willing to make to earn this increase in pay?
- What do you or someone else need to stop, start, or continue to make the situation better?
- How did you reach that conclusion?
- Describe the situation to me as you see it.
- Could I give this some thought and we meet tomorrow?
Seeking “First to understand and then to be understood” requires the understanding of paradigms and how to respond to them. We’ll discuss this in the next post. If you have thoughts or questions, please post them here!